We all go through hard times now and then. Here are 13 pieces of advice that have stuck with me and carried me through the bad. I made both Pinterest and Instagram versions for whichever you prefer. (And you can grab the Pinterest versions here.) This post will be the first in a series with different themes; I’ve collected a lot of quotes over the years!
Up first, by Brene Brown: “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I mean, what a great thought! No matter what hardships you’ve been through, maybe they could be the guiding light for somebody else. And then neither of you is alone with it anymore.
“Sometimes, even though we love each other, we just can’t live with one another.” This was a really tough lesson to learn, but I’ve never forgotten it, and it did help in its way. This was what my sweet former mother-in-law said to me after a rough divorce, when I still believed I loved him but the situation simply was not working. Sometimes love is just not practical, and that’s okay. (I made two Insta versions of this one because I just couldn’t decide which I liked better!)
That brings me to something one of my favorite teachers said to me right after the divorce: “You’ve got to have a morbid sense of humor about it all.” This helped me not just with the situation I was in, but with every difficulty I’ve faced since. No matter what, it’s still possible to put a smile on my face and maybe even crack a joke, and then keep going.
Of course, a lot of times that smile is fake. But that’s okay–as long as you give it the old college try. This one is courtesy of one of my two favorite How I Met Your Mother characters, Robin Scherbatsky: “The best I can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes.”
And speaking of that morbid sense of humor: “What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.” I’m sensing a common theme here. No idea who to credit with this one; I saw it on Facebook. The picture is mine.
While we’re on the subject of a good poker face, Kaitlyn Walsh says: “The key to success is playing the hand you were dealt like it was the hand you wanted.”
And, when you’ve spent all day practicing the grace of the previous statement, you get to come home and let it all out, either in private, or to a therapist, or to a trusted friend or family member who is willing to listen (“willing” being the key word there). Heed the words of Seinfeld‘s infamous maniac, Lloyd Braun: “Serenity now, insanity later.”
Listen, there are a lot of jerks in the world. And I mean an awful lot. But you can’t let it get you down. You’ve got to keep on carrying on. As Katie Goodman puts it: “When you are truly genuine, there will invariably be people who do not accept you. And in that case, you must be your own badass self, without apology.”
And, hey, about those jerks. If you’re a writer, Anne Lamott has some great news for you: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.” Short of actual libel, of course.
Professor Marcus Skinner from Orange County has another revelation for writers. As one who occasionally dabbles with the written word and despises my hometown, but still yearns for the beauty of it and the surrounding areas: “Every good writer has a conflicted relationship with the place where he grew up.” He goes on to specifically call out Joyce, Faulkner, and Tolstoy as just a few examples. (By the way, I took this picture about 45 minutes from my hometown.)
Sometimes bad things just happen to good people. Sometimes it seems no matter how hard you try, misfortune just continues to fall your way. But take this truism from Star Trek‘s Captain Jean-Luc Picard to heart: “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.” (I took this photo at the Edgar Allan Poe museum in Richmond. I’m certain he would have related to this a great deal.)
“Evil queens are the princesses who were never saved.” I usually see this one in relation to my favorite Once Upon a Time character, Regina Mills, but I’m pretty sure I heard it even before the show existed. Anyway, the point is, sometimes no one is coming to rescue you from whatever misfortune you’ve found yourself in. But there’s still a chance you can rescue yourself. It’s harder without a helping hand, but it’s possible, and it can only happen if you try. Even if you never got the chance to play the princess in your own faerie tale, you can still become the badass queen you know you were always meant to be. Bonus points if you do it with your head held high, a ready wit, and a killer sense of fashion.
And when all else fails, remember you can always depend on your old friend Spite to fuel you: “I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.”
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